So today I was having a problem with Excel and I thought “let me Google that” – I started searching and….Google really had no idea what I wanted, WTH man?
I hadn’t finished typing my question and I got these horrible suggestions, clearly I wasn’t looking for…
Seems like Google is just like that annoying coworker that is ALWAYS trying to finish your sentences, and that guy is always wrong. Moral of the story, we don’t want to hear from either of you in that kind of way.
When I DID finally finish my thought.. I got suggestions and results I were much more accurate… See what happens when you let someone finish their sentence?
For those who had the initial questions, I went ahead and answered them for you.
Why Does My Life Suck? IF you’re asking Google, you really need to get out more!
Why Does My Vagina Itch? OK, you should be asking a gynecologist or another woman, not a search engine!
Why Does My Stomach Hurt? Well, what the EFF did you just eat? DUH!
Seriously people, it’s time to stop being stupid and dependent on technology (and Google) for your life’s answers. Use your common sense, apparently it’s a better source of information than Google could ever be, but nothing compares to the answers and information you can get from your parents.
Lastly, I had a brainfart to try out other similar introductions to common questions, starting with phrases like “Where in America…” and OML the rest of the suggested searches (based on what people are really looking for), are either morally contempt or nonsensical. Google must think we’re all freaks!
Again, time to step away from the computer, and get out and breathe some fresh air. If you have any of these kinds of questions (ok, maybe not questions about MS Excel), you should walk away from your desk, pick up a phone, and call your Momma.
Your Mom will know more about YOU and why YOUR… Life is Sucking, Vagina is Itching, and Stomach is Hurting than anyone else in the world.
Similarly, if you had any of the other questions (about where to live, sign language, prostitution, and/or polygamy), you should also be speaking with your Mom & Dad, because clearly a search engine is NOT what you need right now.
And there you have it! Have a great day, and don’t forget to call your parents. Oh and I almost forgot – Let people finish their sentences! Not only is this my biggest pet peeve, but it’s rude and I’m just trying to prevent you from “being that guy”…
By Louis Wing