Recently i’ve been dealing with at least one person that is always trying to “get something” and using their manipulative ways to achieve their goals.
I’m not saying this is a big, power-player here, and that this is a HUGE thing going on in my life…it’s not. This is just a quick rant about one person who happens to be irritating me. Trust me I’m not losing any sleep over this!
Blogging about this today is a nice venting, so if you’re reading my post don’t read too much into it.
A long time ago someone I trust told me something that is still resonating with me today. He told me “Lou, there are lots of people in this world, and one way I see that we break them down is two ways. There are givers and there are takers. You’re definitely a giver, as you’re unselfish and you do for others. You gotta look out and be aware of those who are takers, they’re just looking out for themselves and they don’t care about you.“
So that was a good lesson right there, and I keep that one in the back of my head. Recently in my life, I have had enough experiences that I actively look out for people whom I should avoid dealing with, so I don’t get screwed.
On a business level I am getting better at this with every stop along my career path. I’ve gotten smarter and wiser, and I’m less likely to get pulled down by the common scams, dirty tricks, and games people play. I just avoid the drama and pair up with people that want to do good business. It’s just that easy. If someone pitches me on some bullshit, I am smart enough to say no and carefully back away.
On a personal level however – I have found that there are some people in my life that (good, bad, or indifferent) are a part of my life’s fabric, and I have to learn better how to deal with them. While I’m annoyed at these folks for their immature ways, in a way I’m stuck with them. My wife tells me all the time “Can’t choose your family” and she’s right. The whole verse is “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.” Aint that the truth.
Manipulative People and Relationships
So the topic of this is really about manipulative people and how they suck energy from our relationships, and this is where that comes into play. Of these “takers” that exist, one can generalize that they know that they’re doing this, and if you believe that – it’s not much of a stretch to see HOW they get what they want; they manipulate others into giving them _____. You can put whatever you want in the blank to fill it, but the point is that these takers use other people to get what they want, no matter the cost.
I work hard on living in a way that encourages Good Karma, I have the presence of mind to think past the “here and now” of everything and try to act in a way that is good now, and down the road. I try to do the right thing everyday. I don’t deceive people, I don’t take from others, and I don’t purposefully take advantage of another or their situation.
Because of this, I perceive these takers as slugs, suckers, and bottom feeders. I see right through the windup, the pitch, and their attempt to close. No, this isn’t someone that knocked on my front door, this is someone at the dinner table! Family, right?
I feel that these people drain the life out of me, that they suck the good energy and chi away and it gets trashed over the whims of these manipulators. If these folks were at a place of business, you would choose to take your commerce elsewhere, but since it’s family you can’t.
Steps To Take and Avoid Getting Sucked In…
I’ve taken steps in my life to insulate myself from takers, and I try not to respond or engage any of these manipulators, but in the case when you can’t walk away… here’s what I suggest, based on my own actions to avoid getting sucked into the drama.
Put these people in their place quickly. Don’t take but a second to steer the conversation in another direction, don’t let this person have the chance to fully develop their plan in front of you. Don’t allow them to completely pitch you. If they can’t pitch you 100%, then their plans are effed.
Shield your assets or resources so that you won’t get played by others. If that person needs or wants money, or wants you to pay for something for them, pull out that “sorry I’m broke” card and waive it around in the air. Manipulators often run in packs, and help each other out with information. If the info they have doesn’t work for them, they might move on. When I mean “others” here, this could be another member of the family. While they might not participate in the taking directly these inside PR positions are often filled by the others around them. They’ll be happy to feed the taker with fresh info that can help them out. So when I say to drop the “broke” line, do this in front of the others too. If the manipulator gets word you don’t have any funds, they’ll get the message.
Remove all doubts from the situation and play your cards right. Take a stance that is like “Oh, I’m sorry I can’t help you” and (shut up) don’t suggest any other recourse for them. Don’t allow them to place any need or want in your lap. Don’t make a substitute arrangement or say something like “if only there was something I can do” NO – none of that bullsh*t. You don’t want to be on the hook for anything later either.
Take stock in what’s really happening, and understand that the taker will say and do just about anything to get what they want. Any question you have for them will be answered with an affirmative (YES), and that’s a big lie. They’ll “YES” you do death, but they have no intention of doing anything they tell you. Oh yeah, did I mention that these people are liars?! Yup, experienced ones too. They’ve been doing this for years, they’re good at it, and they’ll lie without a blink.
Recognize that this person is desperate, and that your interests are the LAST on their list, if at all. No matter how much a normal person may empathize with another, or how much sympathy you have for them, you need to know that their ways are not going to help you in any way. Their ambitions here are the only thing that should count, and you need to see that for what it is. This isn’t about you or anything you want, or anything you talked to them about. This is about them, and them getting what they want. This has a price, and often that is your good chi.
Be aware of their strategy, and have some ideas on how to counter their efforts. You need to know that NOTHING being done here is by chance or on a spontaneous level. Much of this is pre-planned, well thought out, and calculated. Someone like this, the Taker/Manipulator, is always scheming and planning on how to get what they want. Don’t look at things they bring up as something that JUST came to be, that they thought of this along the way, or even as you are talking to them. Their messages are rehearsed, refined, and ready to be pitched. You need to be on the lookout and try to see their strategy, and how to be smart for your own good. Try to think of how they benefit from what their asking for, and not just in way they are mentioning to you, but how else do they benefit? What’s the latent function here? The extra benefits.
Once you’re aware of the real end-game, you can easily see the path that they’re trying to take. Call them out on that stuff! Ask them “So I know this is important to you, but you’re also gaining ____ over on that side too, and that’s alot for anyone to be asking.”
While I started on a small rant this morning, I see that there is more than a page here, sorry If I’ve rambled on at all.
So I have this person in my life that is trying to manipulate me, and I wish I could cut the cord here. They have help and an inside PR team working with them, but even the PR people are acting like nothing is up; shameless really.
Don’t they know that I can see through their BS? I am watching this whole thing play out, and I see everything you’re doing.
I wish we could fast-forward a bit, so I can advoid all the uncessary drama, and I could just tell you NO (right now).
There, I said it. NO! Did you hear that?
Keep pushing your agenda, and I’m going to recuse myself of any responsibility towards you or your future life. This might be a tough response, but I’ve got my family to look after. I don’t need this sh*te in my life.
Take you and your ways and go, your manipulative ways are not welcome here anymore. I support you and the important things you are doing, but I am deaf to your attempts to take more from me.
By Louis Wing